dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
