hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
