Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
