I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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