Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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