His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
