Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
