Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
