Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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