did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
