He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
