he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
