So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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