went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
