What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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