I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
