The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
