I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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