My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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