so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Still dying that you shit outside
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
