I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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