Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
