____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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