Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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