And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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