you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
