Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
