i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
