Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
