don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
