forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
