Im at strip club and am horny
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
