so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
