I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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