i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
