So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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