Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
