his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
