He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
