And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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