He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
