The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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