We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
is that a dick in a sweater?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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