i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
