I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
