Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
