Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You are the jesus of drinking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
