we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
