The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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