He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I touched a dick in church today
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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