turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
