dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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