I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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