I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
