I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
