how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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