don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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