You just made me feel so damn special
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
